How Kiasu am I?

Leave me be, I just want to rent out my frustrations here. Please leave at once. Thank you.



Why are you here?




Why are you still reading this???



Stop continuing! I mean it!




HEY! STOP READING!!!





Fine! You have been warned. Here I will start to complain and talk nonsense that WILL IRRITATE YOU!!!




BEWARE! This is the last chance for you to SHUT it!




Suit yourself.... From here you will know how kiasu I am.



Previously, I had told myself that I must obtain 4.0 no matter what the consequences are, unfortunately, I slacked big-time. I screwed up my entire semester 1, took everything for granted, because I took it too lightly. *sigh* How stupid of me to listen to people... saying "Oh, STPM graduate? Simple life lar, sap sap sui... all revision only" FINE!!! End up... ta-da, my result, target... NOT ACHIEVED! YOU IDIOT!

That's not all, when I got to know my good friend in the same course as me got 4.0, I was delighted... but there is this other part of me... this evil part of me, the part I always suppress deep within me... felt jealous. But what the heck right? I mean come on!!! Top 10 STPM student! You're joking if she can't get 4.0.

Oh...ironically this "side" of me hunger for more jealousy... then it started to hunt for "victims". "Ei, how much is your pointer ar?""Ei, how much you get for sem 1 ar?" Posing all this questions starts to fill this beast of mine. Answers "3.87 and below" was not satisfying. "I" wanted more... stalked and hunt... then, more and more people with "3.87 and above" appeared. "I got 3.9+" or "Mine slightly higher than yours... 3.9". Verbally I automatically congrats then, but the filthy beast within me was now feeding on me. "Oh, how I wished I had gotten better marks than you, then I can see that ugly sour face of yours! Eat that you jerk!"

With all this emotion cramped in!!! SHIT! Hah! Then the feeling of regret starts to set in. Firstly, why the hell am I in UM in the very first place? Why the hell didn't I go to NUS? Everything is so much better there: education, accommodation, transportation, the people there are more kiasu than me will inspire me to do better.
Secondly, why didn't I study hard in the very first place when all I wanted to was get the chance to change to pharmacy or medicine? See, now you let the people around you look down upon you. Brag la! Brag some more! Brag~~~ Continue bragging and this is what you get, HUMILIATION!!! It's like dirt splat on your damn face!!! Thirdly, the hope of changing to pharmacy or medicine has dropped so low... HAH! that you don't even want to send in the letter of appeal. ARGH!!! *BITE LIPS SO HARD* SEND ONLY LA!!!!

Oh, how I want to shed some tears like a normal human with feelings does, but why can't I? Is tears that expensive to shed? Ironically I still manage to put on a smiling face and congrats people full-heartedly? Was I being genuine? I even doubt myself at times. Hah! talking about self-conflict...

*sigh* what the heck... forget it... if i can't get into the course i want... then biochem it shall be. who knows? later in life there are full of unexpected things that might happen right? maybe biochem isn't such a bad course after all... hopefully... maybe...

now that whats done is done... so just continue right? life continues on and on regardless of what happens. *deep breaths* *exhale loudly*

Right on! Let's continue and hope for the best! This time, Semester 2, all the memory work is needed, SO NO SLACKING! ALL RIGHT? YOSH!!!!